The Jane Doe Novel Experiment

Creating Two New Novels. Writing One Chapter Weekly. Podcasting As I Go. Welcome to The Experiment.

#Polyamory: Married & Dating – Perhaps Monogamy Is Not A Myth

I watched episodes 3 & 4 together and will focus only on the quad for this post. Mainly because I like saving the best for last and that’s the triad for me! I’m so happy for them!

The quad: they have taught me that despite the fact that in episode one it was said, “I think that human beings are naturally poly and there are some freaks that are monogamous” (what??) And “Monogamy destroys families.” (What a statement!), monogamy seems to be a very real force of nature, even for poly people.

Case in point #1: Roxanne (clearly)

They’ve said it 100 different ways but the two I like most were spoken by Michael & Kamala. To paraphrase (because I didn’t write it down):

“Kamala has trouble with Roxanne showing affection to others in the household that her and Kamala share.” – Michael “I like that what we have is just between us.” – Kamala

That sounds pretty monogamous, doesn’t it?And since Kamala says poly comes naturally to her, apparently so does monogamy. Despite having different lovers, she still desires – to the point of true emotional distress and tears that I sympathize with – to have someone who in a sense, loves only her intimately. Isn’t that monogamy?

Monogamous people tell their partners: Yes! I want you to have your friends, your family, your career, your hobbies. Have a life outside of us. But that special intimacy between two people in a romantic relationship, please reserve only for me.

And that is what Kamala is struggling with: a very real, natural feeling of wanting to be monogamous with a person. I know we have different beliefs reading this posting, but lets assume there is a God and, as the Bible says, we are made in his image. Well, the Bible says that God is a God wanting exclusive devotion. We are to have no other gods other than him. So, if the creator of heaven and earth and giver of everything good says, “Enjoy the entire earth, make yourselves happy, but worship only me,” couldn’t we expect to also have the same mindset with our partners? “Do what makes you happy, but in this very specific way, love only me”? Okay, service is over! Creation or Evolution or something in-between, even these poly people prove that something in us desires monogamy – to whatever extent.

Case in point #2: Michael’s & Kamala’s 10th Anniversary

First, congratulations to them! And now…

I zoomed in on this statement from Kamala:

“I want to show Michael that he is my priority.”

(Flashback to my first blog on the show, Polyamory Married & Dating: The Nitty Gritty, where I stated: Basically, together the four of them are romantically and emotionally involved with no barriers, but when push comes to shove, we’ll see that each woman has her own husband.”)

And, sure enough, (and so sweet!), Kamala goes out of her way to make Michael feel like her #1. But wait! Isn’t that monogamy? To tell someone they are your top priority? Only, in monogamy that is usuallyl proven by only have sex with your partner & no one else. However, since polyamory takes that closed door and opens it wide enough to accommodate the Great Wall of China, Kamala did her best to make her poly lover feel…well…monogamous….

A few other things that irk me about the quad:

“Polyamory is built on the principle that it’s not possible for one person to fulfill all of your needs.”

Excuse me? I did not realize I was put on this earth to be my partner’s entertainment…and that I was failing at it. That is the worst reason to become poly that I can think of. It is a great reason to work on qualities like compromise, reasonableness, and understanding. And a great reason to make a friend and get a hobby. Please, all poly people out there: for the sake of not sounding like a selfish, self-centered narcissists, stop saying this!

I forgot the other things, so for a laugh about how real monogamy is:

For all of my commentary on the show, click here.

Stay tuned for the next post about the triad! Congratulations to them on their engagement!

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