The Jane Doe Novel Experiment

Creating Two New Novels. Writing One Chapter Weekly. Podcasting As I Go. Welcome to The Experiment.


Things my poly friends say:

10# “You should go talk to him/her! ” – How cute! I love the desire to see ones partner happy, even if is with another person. It shows both security and that the partners know each others taste.

9# “Our relationships will be easier to explain if I draw you a diagram.” – As a joke, I loved it. If it’s serious, well, my personal thought is that there is a limit to how many people one can love. Not in the sense of the heart’s capacity to love, but in the sense of time.

8# “One person can’t fulfill all of my needs.” – And I’m pretty sure you can’t fulfill all of the other person’s needs either. I think that’s a reason to work on acceptance and compromise, not a reason to add another person to the list.

7# “Monogamy is a myth.” – Says the person with no self-control whatsoever. I feel when poly people say this, it’s strictly due to only being able to have sex with one person in a typical monogamous relationship. Some people desire that intimacy. And it’s especially ironic to hear it from people who practice polyfidelty because they only have sex within their group of 3 – 4 or so. Sex, in that sense is still restricted like a form of monogamy.

#6 “That’s the perfect gift for my girlfriend’s boyfriend.” – This one warms my heart. Especially if the person buying the gift isn’t involved with his/her partner’s significant other. It is such a display of kindness and true acceptance.

#5 “I’m going out with C because B is with A tonight.” – Okay. I’m on the fence with this one. I know what is meant, but if I were C, I would feel like an after thought.

#4 “My girlfriend met my new girlfriend and they like each other.” – Yay!

#3 “My partners can’t have other boyfriends/girlfriends.” – This one burns me up. I generally hear it from a guy with multiple girlfriends or a girl with multiple boyfriends. To me, polyamory is like a contract; you can put whatever you want in it, as long as everyone agrees. So, if everyone agrees to only one “main” male/female in the relationship, fine. But, I think the “main” person is insecure, hypocritical, demands to be the center of attention, and quite honestly, is hyped up on their need to feel important.

#2 “It’s because of social conditioning.” – I have to grit my teeth on this one. I find “social conditioning” is blamed almost every time someone monogamous doesn’t want to become or accept polyamory. Can we add the phrase, “personal choice”? Smoking was the thing to do at one point in time and I have still never smoked a day in my life. “Personal choice.”

#1. “Compersion.” – My favorite word in the whole-wide poly world. It is the opposite of jealousy. It is sharing the other person’s happiness, whether or not you share the cause/object of the happiness. It’s just truly be happy for the other person.

That’s what I hear. Please share what you’ve heard poly people say. 🙂


One comment on “#ThingsPolyamoristsSay

  1. polypebble
    July 29, 2012

    In reagards to your #1 above, alo one of my favorites! heard it explained as this: “Compersion is when love expands.” It is the most engaging, fulfilling, beautifully peaceful feeling I have ever experienced with and for my mate.

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