Creating Two New Novels. Writing One Chapter Weekly. Podcasting As I Go. Welcome to The Experiment.
“Sometimes it is about the sex,” is a nicely written article by @FearlessKnitts that states,
It feels strange to write that as the title of this piece, as I – and I’m sure many other polyamorous people reading this, have spent quite a lot of time telling people that polyamory is not about the sex.
Except sometimes it is, and maybe it wouldn’t do us too much harm to say so out loud. (Read article here: http://t.co/YX9jmctY)
In it, she tells us about the different compatibility level sexually between her and her husband and how their other respective partners fulfill what is lacking. And I think that’s wonderful. I think it’s poly because she states,
So, does this devalue polyamory? I don’t think so. The love is there, and it’s deep. It isn’t all about the sex, but that doesn’t mean that we should feel compelled by the puritanical undercurrents of our society to deny the sexual element of polyamory.
Though, I don’t believe that society is asking to deny the sexual element of polyamory, no more than they ask to deny the fact that there is sex in marriages. I believe the public is asking for a distinction, and – because we know how fond people are of labels – to call the relationship whatever it truly is based on that distinction. From my understanding, the difference between poly and swinging is the desire to have a relationship and hopefully grow to love each of your partners, not simply have sex with them. The different can be described in this way:
I married for money.
I happened to marry a person with money.
And, I think some people who have poly relationships need to make the same distinction between:
I’m dating multiple people to have sex with.
I’m dating multiple people who I happen to have sex with.
The reason being is because @FearlessKnitts is correct, polyamorous people do have to spend a lot of time fighting the belief that poly is “all about sex”. Some have multiple partners they truly care for and love (and yes, they have sex with all or most of them) and that relationship is cheapened by those who say they are poly, but really only call their other partners primarily for sex. In the latter cases, just learn the phrase, “hooking up”. Mono people do it all of the time. 😉