The Jane Doe Novel Experiment

Creating Two New Novels. Writing One Chapter Weekly. Podcasting As I Go. Welcome to The Experiment.

Do You Want to be On Season 2 #Polyamory Married & Dating?


Of course, this is not a real casting call by Showtime, but I bear with me while I make my point.

How many of you who clicked here are poly? Now, how many of you actually thought, “Yes! I’ll/we’ll do it!” (Everyone looks around for raised hands, but didn’t raise their own)

This was inspired by a comment on my other post: Does Showtime’s Polyamory Married and Dating Feed Stereotypes? The comment suggested to contact the producers. At first, it sounded like a good idea and then I thought…. “And say what?” They’re making money. They are not going to cancel because a group of people feel they are being misrepresent. I know! Add my friends to the show. They would represent a more “mainstream” side to poly.

Wait! That friend won’t do it because her job is too high status. That other friend won’t either because his parents doesn’t know he has had two wives since he was 21. (now 38) That other friend, she’d do it – but her partners won’t. (not out to everyone…you know how it is.)

So, yes. Maybe Showtime did go the “sex & drama sells” route, but maybe it was the only route they could find. And, whose fault is that?

I have a friend with the theory that poly is going to become accepted in our society along the same timeline it took for homosexuals to become accepted. And, that starts the hour debate.  Same-sex relationships have become more accepted because they – in large numbers – came out of the closet. Poly is still largely in that closet. Until poly people are willing to take on the same prejudices, the same struggles, the same marches, the same legal battles, the same “poly-bashing”, the same fear of coming out to those closest to them, the same fear of losing their jobs…how is change and acceptance supposed to happen? Congress didn’t just go into their little room one day and say, “You know, it’s time we gave those LBGT people some rights.” No! LBGT fought for them, they came out for them.

You’ve probably read my laminations that I wish Showtime had picked two different, or a least added another group that may be more readily accepted by society due to their manners, mindset, stability, etc, but when it’s all said and done, even if I were to become poly tomorrow and landed in my ideal situation: polyfidelty with three girls and one or two guys, we all live in a mansion together, have successful careers, (well, I want to be a stay-at-home mom/housewife), are home by dinner every night, each have our own rooms, plan on raising kids one day, and we each love one another (except the guys, they are straight, but good friends), I know I am not volunteering to be on the show. Why? Have you met my grandmom?!? She’d die. And remember, we have successful careers. Can’t lose our jobs because of the mansion we have to pay for…

Just maybe poly isn’t accepted in society because it isn’t yet important enough to poly people that it is accepted.


3 comments on “Do You Want to be On Season 2 #Polyamory Married & Dating?

  1. Jessica
    July 22, 2012

    If anyone is interested in being on television, I **HIGHLY** recommend media training. That will help you in negotiating with producers and interviewers, and give you the ability to create your own “sound bites” so that you don’t say something awkward that can be taken out of context (hopefully). A fellow activist friend of mine, Joreth (@Joreth on Twitter), runs the Polyamory Media Association. In addition to free training, she is also keeping a database of polyamorists that are willing to be interviewed or filmed, and helps to vet out media professionals. The website for her organization is

  2. Jessica
    July 22, 2012

    In addition, I know the Modern Poly crew (which I am a a part of) is planning a lower-key documentary project that is web-based (with printed materials if we raise funds at a later date). The closest example I have to what we plan on doing in late 2012 is something like (picture + possible video + answers to a couple of basic questions). It would also allow for some level of anonymity for those who need to protect their identity for family or professional reasons, but it would also allow those who have the privilege to be “out” to do so.

    • Jane Doe
      July 23, 2012

      Thanks for all if the helpful info, Jessica. Modern Poly’s website idea sounds very intriguing. I would be among the first to check it out. I would hope that the majority of volunteers would choose to be fully open. I think people relate better to seeing their neighbor, co-worker, sister, brother, mother, and the alike than to a silhouette, but a start is a start!

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