The Jane Doe Novel Experiment

Creating Two New Novels. Writing One Chapter Weekly. Podcasting As I Go. Welcome to The Experiment.

@Sho_Network #Polyamory: The Nitty Gritty

Showtime definitely went the, “sex sells” route with episode one, but that street will come to a dead-end fast. This is a good thing for those who live the polyamory lifestyle because they will see what normal poly relationships are like outside of the bedroom. (yes, “normal”- ups and downs like any monogamous relationship) However, it could be a bad thing for the population in general who are tuning in to learn more about this alternative lifestyle because Showtime did not, in my opinion, pick the two most stable groups to follow. But, I guess drama is their thing.

My favorite of the two evils is the quad composed of two married couples joining together in one home. Mainly because they seem to have less drama than the other couple. Jen is a bit hesitate and that’s okay to me. From what I can tell, the four are not claiming to be “equal” to everyone involved. Jen struggled, but did a decent job making it clear that Tahl is her husband and he is to put her needs (emotional, physical, sexual, etc) ahead of Kamala and Michael’s. Basically, together the four of them are romantically and emotionally involved with no barriers, but when push comes to shove, we’ll see that each woman has her own husband.

The younger couple, Lindsey an Anthony are married, and the blonde, Vanessa dates both of them. Omg. I will wait to throw around phrases like, “hypocrite”, “shoe’s on the other foot”, “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander,” etc, but not for long. I’m sure I’ll have a stronger basis for my snap opinion of the blonde by episode two. My viewpoint thus far: Vanessa, you just spent six months with Lindsey’s husband while she was away, but have the nerve to throw a fit because she is falling for another guy. Really? To her credit, Vanessa did move from passive-aggressively stating her feelings to saying them outright. But, really?!?!

That’s all for now until Showtime gives me more to comment on than who looked better naked.

Commentary on, Polyamory: Married And Dating will appear in the “Enough for Four – The Process” section of my blog. Why? Because Enough for Four has a poly couple in it!  This show just may help give me a bit more insight…if they stay dressed long enough.

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4 comments on “@Sho_Network #Polyamory: The Nitty Gritty

  1. Nick
    July 16, 2012

    From what I can tell, the four are not claiming to be “equal” to everyone involved. – You think so? I thought they were all together.

    • Jane Doe
      July 16, 2012

      Hi, Nick. They are “all together”, but in poly, that’s not the same as being equal. Some relationships are built on primary, secondary, tertiary, etc. Which means, there is an understanding that one partner’s needs may come before another partner’s. This is most common when a couple is married and dating other people or when partners are newly exploring polyamory.

      They establish, “Me first” rules when agreeing to share their partner. This is what Jen did:

      “When I come home at night, Tahl sleeps with me. I need him. You two f*** in the day time.”

      And that’s cool! She knows what she needs to feel comfortable in that relationship and it’s “her first”. If they were equal, she wouldn’t be able to play a Trump Card like that. They would have to discuss…and sometimes, she would just have to wait. If Tahl and Kamala’s relationship was “equal” to Tahl and Jen’s, they have every right to spend some nights together. But, since they’ve agreed to treat their relationship as “secondary”, not “equal”, they can’t.

      This may change as time goes on. Couples/groups generally evolve and become more comfortable and less threatened. But if I had to guess, Jen won’t come around before the other’s do.

  2. Jessica K
    July 17, 2012

    I was initially confused and kept referring to Vanessa as Anthony’s wife and Lindsay as the joint girlfriend. Part of this was seeing the unicorn trope play out, and part of it was because the connection between Vanessa and Anthony obvious, and the two of them seem to be ganging up on Lindsay.

    • Jane Doe
      July 17, 2012

      I’m glad you pointed that out, Jessica. It’s beautiful when romantic groups get along so well that it’s hard to tell who was together first. It truly shows that the newest isn’t “less” important than the first. That is one plus for them. =) That, and Anthony and Vanessa were friends in school before he ever met Lindsay. So, they’ve had a good friendship for some time before becoming romantic after Anthony married Lindsay.

      “Ganging up”, that tends to happen whenever two are in agreement against one. It will be the same if the shoe ever gets on the other foot in regards to Lindsay and Anthony against Vanessa or even Lindsay and Vanessa against Anthony on a subject.

      Groups generally work hard to avoid having anyone feel ganged up on, but it’s hard not to feel that way when you’re standing alone in your opinion. Even harder when the other two opinions are attempting to persuade you into a certain course of action. Which, Vanessa and Anthony did by getting Lindsay to agree not to get a new boyfriend. Which, I doubt Lindsay will keep her word about…we’ll see!

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